I thought the same for a while. I found that although 'long time' medication lost the'fun element' of getting high/stoned.
I then realised that for me, I had to change my 'recognised go to meds' were a bit 'out of date' with my getting older and just as I had to understand that my diet needed to change, then so did my choice of meds.
...just something to think sbout(apologies if you feel I'm asking you to 'suck eggs'...)
Hope you find an answer and I hope you can contain your ptsd(it's a recurring nightmare , that hangs around consistently like a bad smell...)

