Okay guys, I'm stuck. I have this bound-up constipated feeling in my gut and feel like I have nobody to turn to. For the sake of security, I'm going to be very vague, but the case stands.
I own a home and a buddy of mine and his wife live here. They are both tokers, and we had a conversation before we agreed to cohabitate about rules. The way I laid it out, my only hard rule was no cocaine/heroin/powders in general in the house, period. I smoke/grow bud, trip shrooms that I grew myself, drink beer/wine...basically I'm no black pot to call out a kettle, if you know what I mean, but was emphatically clear that "street drugs" are off limits due to the increased visibility they bring on my lifestyle.
Besides my mortgage, I'm 100% debt free and have a great nest egg started. I have a great white-collar job that pays beyond what I would have ever imagined for myself, and I'm VERY good at it. I am incredibly grateful for the advantages I've had growing up, and from a professional pedigree standpoint, I'm like 1 level down from someone who went to Harvard. I include that info so you understand my mindset and the reputation/image I've cultivated in my personal life, which I live in a non-medical/non-decrim state.
I'm also coming up on 30 and single, having been in a series of 4 or 5 really emotionally damaging relationships that have left me pretty screwed up. I have been cheated on by over 50% of the women I've dated and more or less emotionally abandoned by the other 50%, despite doing everything I can to try to be a stand-up guy. Hey, that's life, every relationship I'm in is destined to end in failure...except for the last one, hopefully! I mention this because having someone special in my life is a major goal of mine. Living in a smoked-out drug house is a direct impediment to that goal, nobody wants to come over to my house if it reeks of obvious weed and is full of coke heads.
About 2 weeks ago, I was building a fire in the living room and my room mate was in the bathroom for about 5 minutes with no sound of any kind of activity other than the fan. I could hear (clear as a bell) that he was snorting something...very unmistakeable sound, no chance in hell he was just blowing his nose, no running water, no toilet flush. He has admitted to me that he had a coke habit in college 3 years ago, but also admitted that he went through a program and it was the absolute low point of his life; family involved, rehab, counseling, etc. He came out of the bathroom with his sunglasses/hat/coat on and immediately left saying, "I'm gonna go get food" and was gone for over an hour. Okay, fine, benefit of the doubt...
Three days later, another friend came over and hung out for a while smoking with us and watching TV. My room mate and his wife did some sketchy rotations through the bathroom, no flush, no water, then awkwardly asked if the other friend (who was sitting on the couch with me) was going to come with them to "get food" or stay here and chill. He paused, thought for a second, then said, "I guess I'll stay here and wait till you get back." That dynamic tripped my radar, but not in an obvious way to make me speak up. 20 minutes after we were alone, he excused himself to the restroom, *snort snort*, no running water, no flush, came out all chatty and excited about something, clearly intoxicated well beyond what weed does (we were about 2-3 grams into some crazy headstash of mine and he was OBVIOUSLY different when he came out of the bathroom).
The room mates came home, there was some sort of hushed conversation in another room (I was doing dishes) then the other friend left. Shady, to say the least.
The trips through the bathroom with no flush have continued daily since the first occurrence, lots of sniffling and sneezing, and the dynamic is perceptibly different...we used to sit around and talk about work, what weed was in bloom, what we were going to do that week, all kinds of regular friendly chat is now reduced to him staring at the TV ignoring me and me feeling like he's sitting in a glass sound-proof box. It's like they're both zombies when they're around me. I've gone to bed early this week due to long work hours and hear all sorts of activity after I close my door and turn off my light. They'll get up from the TV room, go in their bedroom, go in the bathroom, sniff sniff, no water, no flush. About a week ago I got a group text from a friend of his talking about plans for a birthday party at a local watering hole, my room mate replied with an emoticon of a snowman and a snowflake saying, "someone bring Sgt. Sniffles". I doubt he knew I was on that group text...
I mentioned to my room mate last week, in a general but honest and direct way, that I needed to remind him that my only rule was no hard drugs on the property. I told him it's in our best interest, and that it's the only thing I'm asking of him, and that I suspected that he and the other friend were doing coke that week. He denied that anything and seemed "surprised" that I would bring it up. A week has gone by and I feel like it's undeniable at this point. I even caught the other friend in the bathroom at work (oh did I forget to mention we all work together?!?!??!) and he was clearly taking a bump in the bathroom stall. I guess he didn't know I was in there using the other toilet, and I straight up asked if he has a coke problem...he denied it 100%. I told him, "You don't need to lie to me, I'm approaching you as a concerned friend, not to pass judgement." He thanked me for my concern and told me he's doing just fine, but he'll keep that in mind.
What are my options? Roomie and wife know I grow, we've all got a laundry list of dirt on each other, and I wish him ZERO ill will...I want to help, I want this to be a healthy home, I want him to be happy and well, but I CAN NOT expose myself to this level of risky/careless behavior. I didn't buy a house so I could get a narcotics warrant served on my home, and any legal defense of why I've got pot on the premises goes out the window the second they find coke here. Now I'm part of a much larger problem, and any medical justification will be completely invalid since I'm the landlord, an occupant, and (per the law) a willing participant in this crap. I know that wouldn't have held an ounce of water anyway, but this just feels WAAAAAY across the line of common sense and very disrespectful of my rules here.
I care for my friends, I care for them as co-workers, and I care for the home we're trying to maintain. Their actions, as well as mine, have incurred risk in our lives, but that risk was manageable and acceptable as we NEVER sell my crops or even bring weed off the property very often (maybe a gram to a concert or a joint or two on a case by case). Coke is a whole new variable, besides the fact that it's a much more dangerous and addictive drug. His revenue and my rent are now both in question.
Am I a hypocrite? How would AFN handle this? My gut is telling me that I need to ask them to move out, but the prospect of that conversation going wrong terrifies me, knowing that he could easily decide to clean out any of his stash, roll on me, and walk away scott-free looking like he did his civic duty turning me in. I know I broke the first rule of growing by letting someone know, but I'm an inherently pretty trusting person, and felt like our shared interest in the green would bind us in solidarity against LEO. I don't believe he'd try to betray me, I don't want to believe he'd go that far, but I also believed that he wouldn't go back to using cocaine...
Please help.
I own a home and a buddy of mine and his wife live here. They are both tokers, and we had a conversation before we agreed to cohabitate about rules. The way I laid it out, my only hard rule was no cocaine/heroin/powders in general in the house, period. I smoke/grow bud, trip shrooms that I grew myself, drink beer/wine...basically I'm no black pot to call out a kettle, if you know what I mean, but was emphatically clear that "street drugs" are off limits due to the increased visibility they bring on my lifestyle.
Besides my mortgage, I'm 100% debt free and have a great nest egg started. I have a great white-collar job that pays beyond what I would have ever imagined for myself, and I'm VERY good at it. I am incredibly grateful for the advantages I've had growing up, and from a professional pedigree standpoint, I'm like 1 level down from someone who went to Harvard. I include that info so you understand my mindset and the reputation/image I've cultivated in my personal life, which I live in a non-medical/non-decrim state.
I'm also coming up on 30 and single, having been in a series of 4 or 5 really emotionally damaging relationships that have left me pretty screwed up. I have been cheated on by over 50% of the women I've dated and more or less emotionally abandoned by the other 50%, despite doing everything I can to try to be a stand-up guy. Hey, that's life, every relationship I'm in is destined to end in failure...except for the last one, hopefully! I mention this because having someone special in my life is a major goal of mine. Living in a smoked-out drug house is a direct impediment to that goal, nobody wants to come over to my house if it reeks of obvious weed and is full of coke heads.
About 2 weeks ago, I was building a fire in the living room and my room mate was in the bathroom for about 5 minutes with no sound of any kind of activity other than the fan. I could hear (clear as a bell) that he was snorting something...very unmistakeable sound, no chance in hell he was just blowing his nose, no running water, no toilet flush. He has admitted to me that he had a coke habit in college 3 years ago, but also admitted that he went through a program and it was the absolute low point of his life; family involved, rehab, counseling, etc. He came out of the bathroom with his sunglasses/hat/coat on and immediately left saying, "I'm gonna go get food" and was gone for over an hour. Okay, fine, benefit of the doubt...
Three days later, another friend came over and hung out for a while smoking with us and watching TV. My room mate and his wife did some sketchy rotations through the bathroom, no flush, no water, then awkwardly asked if the other friend (who was sitting on the couch with me) was going to come with them to "get food" or stay here and chill. He paused, thought for a second, then said, "I guess I'll stay here and wait till you get back." That dynamic tripped my radar, but not in an obvious way to make me speak up. 20 minutes after we were alone, he excused himself to the restroom, *snort snort*, no running water, no flush, came out all chatty and excited about something, clearly intoxicated well beyond what weed does (we were about 2-3 grams into some crazy headstash of mine and he was OBVIOUSLY different when he came out of the bathroom).
The room mates came home, there was some sort of hushed conversation in another room (I was doing dishes) then the other friend left. Shady, to say the least.
The trips through the bathroom with no flush have continued daily since the first occurrence, lots of sniffling and sneezing, and the dynamic is perceptibly different...we used to sit around and talk about work, what weed was in bloom, what we were going to do that week, all kinds of regular friendly chat is now reduced to him staring at the TV ignoring me and me feeling like he's sitting in a glass sound-proof box. It's like they're both zombies when they're around me. I've gone to bed early this week due to long work hours and hear all sorts of activity after I close my door and turn off my light. They'll get up from the TV room, go in their bedroom, go in the bathroom, sniff sniff, no water, no flush. About a week ago I got a group text from a friend of his talking about plans for a birthday party at a local watering hole, my room mate replied with an emoticon of a snowman and a snowflake saying, "someone bring Sgt. Sniffles". I doubt he knew I was on that group text...
I mentioned to my room mate last week, in a general but honest and direct way, that I needed to remind him that my only rule was no hard drugs on the property. I told him it's in our best interest, and that it's the only thing I'm asking of him, and that I suspected that he and the other friend were doing coke that week. He denied that anything and seemed "surprised" that I would bring it up. A week has gone by and I feel like it's undeniable at this point. I even caught the other friend in the bathroom at work (oh did I forget to mention we all work together?!?!??!) and he was clearly taking a bump in the bathroom stall. I guess he didn't know I was in there using the other toilet, and I straight up asked if he has a coke problem...he denied it 100%. I told him, "You don't need to lie to me, I'm approaching you as a concerned friend, not to pass judgement." He thanked me for my concern and told me he's doing just fine, but he'll keep that in mind.
What are my options? Roomie and wife know I grow, we've all got a laundry list of dirt on each other, and I wish him ZERO ill will...I want to help, I want this to be a healthy home, I want him to be happy and well, but I CAN NOT expose myself to this level of risky/careless behavior. I didn't buy a house so I could get a narcotics warrant served on my home, and any legal defense of why I've got pot on the premises goes out the window the second they find coke here. Now I'm part of a much larger problem, and any medical justification will be completely invalid since I'm the landlord, an occupant, and (per the law) a willing participant in this crap. I know that wouldn't have held an ounce of water anyway, but this just feels WAAAAAY across the line of common sense and very disrespectful of my rules here.
I care for my friends, I care for them as co-workers, and I care for the home we're trying to maintain. Their actions, as well as mine, have incurred risk in our lives, but that risk was manageable and acceptable as we NEVER sell my crops or even bring weed off the property very often (maybe a gram to a concert or a joint or two on a case by case). Coke is a whole new variable, besides the fact that it's a much more dangerous and addictive drug. His revenue and my rent are now both in question.
Am I a hypocrite? How would AFN handle this? My gut is telling me that I need to ask them to move out, but the prospect of that conversation going wrong terrifies me, knowing that he could easily decide to clean out any of his stash, roll on me, and walk away scott-free looking like he did his civic duty turning me in. I know I broke the first rule of growing by letting someone know, but I'm an inherently pretty trusting person, and felt like our shared interest in the green would bind us in solidarity against LEO. I don't believe he'd try to betray me, I don't want to believe he'd go that far, but I also believed that he wouldn't go back to using cocaine...
Please help.
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