Salutations everyone,
Lets see! Hummm... OKay, here we go... It's been such a heavy secret i just can't hold much longer anyway!
The truth is, i'm a time traveler!
M'yeap! The 29th century planetary concil has chosen ME to come back in your era in hope to find the Saint-Gräal of Vaporists as this is only known weapon capable of defeating an evil alien who already caused an ever-growing dissolution in the fabric of quantum reality, though apparently backward in terms of chronology with major sequences missing...
For example, the talking apes:

They walk like us, eat somewhat like us too... But have little in common with us as they wish to exterminate us.
It was believed they had gone extinct but an extra-terrestrial worker on shore leave who was passing by decided to take a couple of those apes with him, to add an attration in his astro-zoo. Years passed, civilisations eventually succedded one after the other and then, finally, the most grotesque genetic experiment of all creation was performed to re-vitalize the old lineage about to vanish. It went fine at 1st, but then a war with the talking-apes almost destroyed our twin-star solar system. We escaped before they started to inseminate neighbour galaxies, yours included, and now i'm here to save the world, lucky me... So, you see dear readers, i'm afraid we got a common enemy. Stephen Harper! ... And he must NOT get re-elected or the whole universe will fall into a most paradoxal loop from where even emptyness itself can never emerge again!!
We got 4 months or so to fix the relativist space-time crack caused by 3 successive Harper terms - so far!
Maybe less.
Failure is no option otherwise we're all doomed as a self-aware species!...
Good day, have fun!!
