Explaining a Color in Words
Hi everyone.Ive been wanting to intro myself here and share with you guys for some time now.But to be honest Im unsure of how to not make it an overly depressing read.Even for me typing this is rather tough in all honesty.
The mind numbing paradox of (MS) seriously progressive memory issues with shaking and over all pain is very mentally exhausting some days.But trying to understand what is happening to me at a VEEERY quick pace is like trying to explain to a blind man a color with words.Not sure i can be done.
Im an avid thinker and research kinda guy on my better days.But it too is tough since I ony have my family.And tthats a beautiful thing! But when Im feeling good and not in too much pain or despair I really like poking around here with many of the awesome people and like mindedness too.Makes me feel fuzzy with a fun connection to fellow growers and people I can seriously relate too.Im often a stand off to the side kinda guy.Military n various dealings in the past has always made me this way.Its just a whole lot worse now.
But most days consist of me waking up assuming I can sleep.doing the pellet stove in winter,late spring and early fall.Feeding the cats,various gardening activities,filling the humidifiers,doing find the picture puzzles.Im a grand master btw.LOL! and helping my moms out as much as I can manage.and a couple other odds n ends Im forgetting.OH, and not too mention tthe seriously jacked up feeling Im losing my frigin mind.It took me an HOUR almost,to shut off my fan when the lights shut off.I sit not 6 feet from it and Im in the habit of doing it.I sleep even closer.LMAO!I got up three times,stood up knowing,yup fan.mind wandered and sat back down three seperate times.I fuckin cried for a good 10 minutes.Im tearing up right now actually.itts such a mind numbing paradox that can cripple to a point ,most rational peope.Im losing my spelling abilities.
Well in a slighty broad nutshell,this IS my life and what it consists of everyday for the past year.Longer if you count the several years prior to me knowing I had MS and trying to fight my chronic pain issues,PTSD and a few other ailments.Thanks for all you guys posting.I dont often share like this,but a hug or two would be pretty nice awesome.
Its amazing when you talk Karma.The most simple and beauiful things in life are those walks and warm fuzzies you gett when you connect with the oneness of all things.Super simple,yet most will never achieve it.The sun on your face,food in your stomach,peace in your heart and the willingness to just go with whatever comes your way with simple smile,a nod ,or a shrug n just flow with whatever path you choose.
I woud like to thank you guys for having this firstly.
Secondly,just for sharing and being there even if Im not talking,thats a connection I can see and relate to since I always am thinking how others lives are and the busy and hardships in them more than mine if you can believe that.Take care and be well everyone.
EoF. "There is nothing to be said about a healthy and well adjusted individual within a profoundly sick society"